Neutron News
by Ellis97
Summary: When Jimmy gets jealous of Cindy's new homemade magazine, he uses robots made from nanotech to find information on all the kids in town, but they start to take their jobs a little too seriously and post embarrassing secrets on Jimmy and his friends.


**Author's Note:**

 **Well folks! I guess it's time for another story in the Jimmy Neutron saga. Let's see what kind of sticky mess that Jimmy and his best buddies are getting into today!**

* * *

Our story opens as we see Jimmy, Carl and Sheen walking to school together. Jimmy was complaining and ranting about Cindy...again.

"...And then she was like 'I'm sure it'll work either way' and I was like 'No it won't', but NOOOO!" he continued "She had to try it out. So when it didn't work, Cindy laughed at me and said I was the worst inventor in the world and that my inventions are total failures! That is so not true! Well...sometimes it is, but that doesn't mean I'm the worst inventor in the world! Am I right, guys?"

"Gee Jimmy, that is a royal mouthful" Carl said as he breathed through his inhaler.

"Yeah and Cindy's only lived here for a couple of weeks" Sheen remarked.

As soon as they arrived at the front of school, the kids saw Libby handing out copies of some sort of magazine to the kids.

"Hey guys" she said to the boys.

"Hola Libby" Sheen said to Libby in a flirtatious manner "How's it going, babe?"

"Get a life, Sheen" Libby deadpanned.

"Whatcha doing anyways, Libby?" asked Jimmy.

"Glad you asked Jimmy" Libby replied "I'm handing out the first edition of the new 'Vortex View'"

Jimmy grabbed the magazine "Vortex View?"

"Yep, it's my brand-new 'zine" Cindy said as Jimmy and his friends entire the school "In case you didn't know, that is a homemade magazine"

"I know what that means, Cindy!" Jimmy retorted.

Cindy gave Jimmy a little smirk "You may be super smart Freaktron, but Libby, Brittany and I are ace reporters. We are going to print the inside scoop on all the kids in Retroville every week"

Just then, Brittany came running towards Cindy and Libby, wearing a topless hat and pen in her ear "Good news, girls! I've got a juicy new story for next issue"

"That's great, Brittany" said Libby.

"Here it is" Brittany said as she handed Cindy a notepad.

Cindy looked at the notepad "This is just a bunch of squiggles"

"But I don't know how to read or write!" Brittany pouted.

"Oy vey" Libby sighed as she put her head on her forehead.

Jimmy then picked up a copy of the zine and started to read it "Hey! There's something about me!"

Sheen grabbed the magazine "Wow! It says here that if Jimmy didn't have that large brown cowlick, he'd be the shortest kid in the whole sixth grade!"

"Wow Sheen, that's pretty insightful" Carl said with as much admiration.

Jimmy wasn't paying attention; he was thinking about something else.

After school, Jimmy, Carl and Sheen went to Jimmy's lab to converse on Jimmy's latest plan to compete with Cindy.

He cleared his throat "Gentlemen, we are going to start our very own zine! It will be like Cindy's...only a thousand times better!"

"What do mean, Jim?" asked Carl.

"We're not going to talk about gossipy stuff or crappy one-sided stories, we are going to make it engaging and educational" Jimmy proclaimed "I'm gonna write a column about the latest cutting edge of technology"

"And I could write an article about food" Carl added "After all, when it comes to eating, I'm a professional and knowing that if I think the food is good, they'll have to eat it!"

"And I'll write a comic book review section!" Sheen exclaimed "After all, comic books aren't just panels with characters and speech bubbles, they're beautiful works of literature!"

"Then what're we waiting for?" asked Jimmy "We gotta blast!"

In no time at all, the first issue of Neutron News was ready to go to print. He used his new rocket, the Mark III to pass out copies all over the neighborhoods.

"I'd like to see the look on Cindy's face at school when everyone is reading our zine" Jimmy said as he folded his arms.

The next morning, Jimmy rushed to school to see the other kids read his new tabloid, but was shocked to see something else...

"They're reading Vortex View!" he exclaimed "But I don't understand why. Neutron News is educational, stimulating, factual and-"

"Lame!" Cindy said smugly "There's a reason everyone's garbage cans were filled with copies of your zine, Jimmy. Kids already have to endure education eight hours a day! They don't want education! They want hot local gossip!"

"You know Jimmy, as your best friend, I'd have to say Cindy is right" said Carl "Maybe we should try gossip"

Jimmy wasn't paying attention, he was thinking of something to do "Think...think...think...BRAIN BLAST! If I can't be a better reporter, I'll have to build a better reporter!"

After school, Jimmy, Carl and Sheen went back to Jimmy's lab and Jimmy finished his latest invention.

"Gentlemen, behold, the Neutron Super Scooper!" Jimmy showed the contraption.

"What is it?" asked Carl.

"It's a saucer module that will gather interesting gossip stories for the paper" Jimmy explained.

"It looks like a radio controlled spaceship with a camera on it" Sheen remarked.

"It was" Jimmy said bluntly.

"So how does it work, Jimmy?" asked Carl.

"Nano-bot technology" Jimmy replied.

"What's that?" asked Carl.

"They are tiny robots that control the module and I'm using two of them, that way nothing can possibly go wrong" Jimmy folded his arms.

Inside the saucer module, two tiny robots (a short, stout and orange one and a tall, red one) were watching Jimmy, Carl and Sheen on their big monitor.

"Nanobots, dig up gossip on every kid in Retroville" Jimmy told them on a big monitor "We need interesting and juicy stories for Neutron News"

"Did you hear that?" N-1 turned to N-2 "The creator wants us to get gossip on all the kids in Retroville"

"Yes, I believe I heard that" N-2 retorted.

"And since I'm number one, I call dibs as captain" N-1 proclaimed.

"Who died and made you captain?" asked N-2.

"When I called dibs" said N-1 "Now let's go! The creator will be ever so pleased"

The nanobots flew out of the lab, ready to dig up dirt on all the kids in Retroville.

The very next day at school, Jimmy saw that everybody was reading his zine.

"Alright Neutron, how on Earth did you get new stories in just one minute?" Cindy demanded as she and her friends came up to Jimmy "You've got stuff that Libby, Brittany and I have yet to print"

Libby held up the latest paper "Yeah! One minute it was about Ms. Fowl's new chalkboard and now, it's about me, Cindy and Brittany!"

"Not to mention it has a nice picture of the three of us on the front" Brittany said as she put her finger on the photo.

"Does this make my head look big?" asked Libby.

"I think they really captured your surprised look, Libby" Sheen remarked "It makes you look a bigger knockout than you already are"

Libby rolled her eyes in annoyance at Sheen's flirting "Sheen, don't make me hit you"

"But anyways, how could you get this much information so fast, Jimmy?" asked Cindy as she placed her hands on her hips.

Jimmy smirked "I guess I'm just super smarter than you, Vortex"

However, later that day, Jimmy found himself in some real hot water with Nick, who appeared with a copy of Neutron News.

"Hey Neutron!" he growled with a threatening fist "Was it your idea to tell the world that I sleep with a stuffed bunny? Cause if it was, you're so dead!"

And it got even worse later on. Cindy came up to Jimmy with an issue that said "BEAN AND CHEESE BURRITOS MAKE CINDY WINDY"

"YOU'RE DEAD MEAT NOW, KING CRANIUM!" she shrieked.

About a few minutes later, Brittany came up with another new issue that said "BLONDE BEAUTY STARTS A NOSE MINING COMPANY" and had a photo of Brittany picking her nose in the bathroom.

"Jimmy!" she stomped over to the boy genius "Just look at this issue! I don't know what it says, but I know that is NOT a good picture of me!"

Finally, Sheen started breaking down when he read a new copy of Neutron News that said "ULTRA LORD IS JUST A STUPID DOLL!"

"The horror! The horror!" he wailed "Make it stop Jimmy! Make it stop!"

"I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but Sheen is right, Jimmy" Cindy said sternly "You're not reporting gossip, you're invading all our private lives!"

"It's not my fault this is happening" said Jimmy "My ace reporters are just a little overzealous"

Just then, the saucer module arrived and started taking a picture of Jimmy.

"Excellent scoop" said N-1 "The creator will be pleased that it is about himself"

"Oh I can see it now!" N-2 said giddily "Neutron News founder afraid of his own creation! It's bound to be our biggest issue yet"

Just then, the saucer module printed out a copy of Neutron News that said exactly what the red Nanobot was saying before.

"Nanobots, stop it!" Jimmy ordered them.

"But creator, we are simply doing what you told us to do" said N-1 "We are just looking for stories to print in your paper"

"You misunderstood your assignment" Jimmy tried to reason with them "You're supposed to talk about facts, not personal lives"

"Egads!" N-1 gasped "Another scoop about the creator!"

"Oh my God! It's our lucky day!" N-2 giddily clapped his hands.

The Nanobots took a picture and out printed another issue that said "NEUTRON DENIES EVERYTHING HE CAUSED".

"Why you..." Jimmy growled as he chased the saucer module, which started to fly away.

The very next morning, Jimmy gathered up everyone on the playground to make an important announcement.

"Citizens of Retroville Jr High" he said as he climbed up to a podium "As you may know, my Nanobots have been reporting hurtful stories about you guys!"

"You bet they have!" Cindy placed her hands on her hips.

"Just about an hour ago they told everyone that I had toilet paper on my foot all day and didn't notice" Carl showed a copy of the paper.

"All I need to do is get them confused and then our problems are solved" Jimmy proclaimed "I'm 95% sure it'll work"

"And the other five percent?" asked Cindy.

"You guys beat me senseless" Jimmy gulped "But before y'all get any ideas, you should trust me. After all, a 95 is still an A"

"I can live with that" Nick shrugged "After all, I've never gotten a 95 in my life"

Cindy batted her eyelashes at Nick "If Nick says so, I have my trust in you, Jimmy"

"Oh Nanobots, come here!" Jimmy called out to his robots.

Just then, the saucer module flew right towards Jimmy, just as the little genius intended.

"You called, creator?" asked N-1.

"Of course, Nanobots" said Jimmy "I would like to congratulate you guys on a job well done. You've dug up dirt on every kid in town"

"The pleasure is all yours, creator" said N-1.

"Oh yes, yes it is" N-2 clapped his hands.

"Don't be a suck-up, you twit" N-1 slapped N-2 "Is there anyone else we should know about, creator?"

"Of course" said Jimmy "You forgot to dig up information on, Gary Wiggleplix"

N-1 gasped "Error! Error! We forgot about Gary Wiggleplix! Quick! Look up 'Gary Wiggleplix'!"

N-2 panicked and started typing "I'm looking him up!"

But nothing appeared on the computer screen.

"He's not here!" N-2 panicked.

"Well look him up some more!" N-1 ordered "The creator won't be satisfied until we get information on this guy! Get a phonebook, look at social media, just LOOK FOR HIM!"

The Nanobots did all they could, but couldn't find anyone named Gary Wiggleplix. This caused the saucer module to start to go crazy and zip from back to front, left to right, until finally...

"Take cover everyone!" Jimmy shouted.

The saucer module exploded into a million pieces, leaving the Nanobots parachuting down to the ground.

"How come you get the parachute?" N-2 asked as he held onto N-1's legs as they parachuted.

"Quiet, or I'll disconnect my legs" N-1 threatened.

Goddard then dug a hole into the ground and the Nanobots landed right into it.

"There, problem solved" Jimmy folded his arms.

The very next day, Jimmy was reading a copy of Vortex View that read "RESIDENT GENIUS FIXES HIS STUPID MISTAKES...AGAIN"

"Figures" he sighed.

"Don't feel bad, Jimmy" said Carl "Maybe you can help Cindy with her magazine"

"Actually Carl, I'm kinda done with the press" said Jimmy "It's too boring. I'm just gonna stick to what I'm good at"

"You mean building new inventions every week?" asked Sheen.

"Exactly" Jimmy snapped his fingers.

 **THE END**

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Looks like Jimmy's decided to give up the press and it looks like it's the end of another wacky story. Stay tuned for another episode coming real soon.**


End file.
